Unashamed

of making cheap publicity to this blog, after some years of being silent about it.

of balancing myself with a sledgehammer of positive feelings, and a fist of pills of depressives.

of exhausting my last drops of physical energy for a cause I dont understand.

and the last drops of mental energy for a cause I do understand.

of seriously contemplating going back to a problem I faced a couple of times before… I know the final answer, but I don’t know how to prove it. Should I?

unashamed of living. of being myself.

unashamed of doing the thing that needs to be done, in this pitiful, short, hard, sorrowful, mercyless, paranoid, depressive, lonely, ( did I mention hard?? ) existence.

Someone once said ( and Im going to paraphrase it grossly, cause I kinda forgot where I read it ) …

The things that need to be done take the greatest of wisdom from the most wise people to discover, and there is a small group of people that are capable of actually doing those things.

I hope the community I am in will grow in time, but for now..

It’s all about how unashamed I feel for being part of that community.

Repeat

E anul nou

Depresia de post An Nou

Weekend la ski

Iarna / frig / ger

Sesiune / perioada de teze

Valentine’s Day

Postul pastelui

Dragobete

Alt Weekend la ski ca se termina iarna

Ziua Femeii. marti-fucking-shoare la toat”e” lumea

Incepe un nou sezon din TV Showul tau favorit.

Griji ca vine vara si nu arati bine/sexy.

iti zici ca treci pe la sala dar … who are you kidding?

Pomii redevin verzi. WTF?

Pastele ( drum bonus catre orasul natal )

1 Mai in Vama Veche. Altfel nu existi

2 Mai la gratare in paduri. Altfel nu existi.

Planificare de concediu

E fucking Vara, deci alte gratare prin alte paduri

Sesiune iar / perioada de teze

Drinking after

Sesiunea de restante/mariri

Drumuri la mare / Drumetii la munte

Gratare in paduri. Old habits die hard. Current habits dont die

Ziua ta. You know .. that paradox of depression and friends in a single day

Caldura insuportabila. You hate summer. And you hate yourself for hating summer.

Plimbari nocturne in tricou. Ca de aia.

Concediu.

Quality time with the significant other.

Vacanta planificata de cateva luni se intampla

Actual outdoor sex. Ai uitat cum e.

Campionat Mondial/ European De Fotbal/ Jocuri Olimpice

Inca o tura la mare.

Vizita la medic decurge mai rau decat credeai

Back to work / Incepe scoala / anul universitar

You fucking hate your life

Back to social drinking on weekends

Proiecte noi de care juri ca o sa te tii

A new fling ( the summer girl/boy was just for fun )

Making more plans

Autumn depression. Season 13.

Da’ macar au reinceput serialele.

Hard knock routine of work/school on weekday and drinking/partying like a s*** on weekends

Primele planuri de Rev

Planurile de Rev tocmai faute sunt anulate a doua zi

Alte planuri de Rev ( oameni clar mai seriosi )

Weekend la o cabana cu prima zapada.

Halloween

1 Decembrie. Frig ca dracu da macar ii liber de la stat

ti-ar veni sa tragi un gratar in padure da ii fucking iarna asa ca tragi grataru pe balcon

ture prin malluri sa le iei cadou la toti cei dragi. Chiar daca in sinea ta stii ca jumate din ei nu merita de fapt.

Craciun. Cu tot tacamul.

Adica manci de spargi tot de la toate rudele. Si dupa aia cand te uiti in oglinda nu te (mai) recunosti.

Mai ales porc. Adica tu arati ca un porc sau mananci doar porc. You can pick.

Ture in parc sa vezi bradul de Craciun pe care primaria a dat o caruta de bani.

In loc sa construiasca spitale si sa renoveze scoli.

Te reintalnesti cu fosti colegi care parca devin din ce in ce mai insuportabili.

Te reintalnesti cu fosti prieteni de care ti-e dor.

Planurile de rev pe care te bazai au picat.

Bei ca stii ca vine anu nou si tre sa fii baut bine ca sa uiti ca a mai trecut un an.

Pui tu de un plan de REV pe ultima suta de metri si iese fantastic.

Iti faci planuri pe anul viitor.

More drinking inainte de ora 24. Stiu, ora 24 nu exista, si injuri in gand autorul ca e tampit.

Numeri cu primaru sau cu prietenii :

10

9

8

Mai tragi o dusca

5

4

Si o injuratura

2

1

0

Injuri in gand ca ai uitat sa iti pui o dorinta.

E Anul Nou.

Repeat

We are

We are projections of higher dimensional Beings.
Complete, perfect and blessed Beings.

We are vibrations of magical strings which we cannot comprehend but can only feel.
We don’t even need to bother trying to comprehend.

We are unending rivers of light that have no beginning.

In this life,
We are an experiment.

An experiment with a single possible outcome.
Love.

If the experiment fails, we will start again.
The love search will start again.

If the experiment succeeds, we will swallow a pill.
And then re-immerse into the experiment.
The love search will start again.

We are the rush, in between the start, the end and the restart.
Love is the most unstoppable power imaginable.

We are its carriers.

Go

Midway upon the journey of your lives
I found myself within a forrest dark
For the straight forward pathway had been lost

Aseara mi s-a intamplat un lucru curios. Am renuntat pentru cateva ore la constiinta. Eu sunt foarte legat de Constiinta mea, nici macar cand dorm nu consider ca ma indepartez de Ea, mai degreaba cand dorm si Ea doarme, dar nu suntem in nici un caz separati.

A venit ca si cum ar locul ei ar fi fost intotdeauna aproape. A venit cu armele cu care vine de obicei cand lupta impotriva mea, si m-a sedus, ca de obicei. Eu am cazut ca un netot in capcana pe care mi-a intins-o. Iar sub capcana era un hau imens, adanc, si negru, in care caderea a fost lunga, sub o senzatie de invartire nesfarsita.

Dar in timpul caderii, am fost totusi un pic lucid, destul cat sa prind din zbor cateva idei/revelatii care imi vor folosi mai tarziu, si o reactie nastrusnica avuta, care imi va folosi acum pentru ca e de fapt dovada ca anumite lucruri pe care lucrez sa le rezolv nu sunt nici pe departe schimbate in mine.

Faptul ca imi aduce aminte de Ea m-a surprins dar mi-a si placut in acelasi timp. Imi pare ca acel Ceva care se afla in ea nu ii face bine, dar nu am ce sa fac, nu ma pot opune alegerii ei ( triste si cumva obligate ) de a O gazdui.

Eu nu mai am rabdare sa refuz experiente. Cand cineva imi propune ceva ce nu contrazice legile ( proprii si personale ) dupa care ma ghidez, voi accepta ( cu atat mai mult daca nu am mai facut vreodata acel lucru ).
It’s that simple.

Ma aflu intr-o padure intunecata, in care ma ratacesc continuu pentru ca nu am simtul directiei. Caut luminisul dar nu dau decat de luminile din ochii altora, rataciti ca mine. Eu unul nu am lumini in ochi, dar am un altfel de lumina, care e mult mai puternica si ofera confort si caldura. Problema e ca lipsindu-mi lumina din ochi, lumea cu care interactionez ii e frica de mine. Dar, spun clar si raspicat, o inteleg.

Alegeri 2014 (I)

Asta e turul care nu conteaza. E turul in care majoritatea covarsitoare a romanilor (estimez 70/100 preznenta ) va decide ca nici unul din candidati nu e suficient de bun sa castige in primul tur.

Va fi turul in care dupa ce vezi cate procente au Vadim si Udrea impreuna si apoi socotesti cate voturi inseamna asta, ti se face rau.

Va fi turul in care unul din candidati nici macar nu va vota, pentru ca va fi prea prins in fotoliu, si prea atent la popcorn.

Va fi turul in care candidatul care va termina pe 4, care si-a facut majoritate din campanie in virtual, va fi deschizator de drumuri. Aceeasi strategie peste 5 ani va fi folosita de toti candidatii de atunci. Si indrazndesc sa spun, acel candidat care va termina pe 4 acum, va fi in turul doi peste 5 ani.

Va fi turul in care un alt candidat va termina pe 2 cu majoritatea voturilor din jumatate din tara. Cine a zis ca suntem o tara unitara ???

Dar mai presus de orice, va fi turul in care foarte multa lume va sta acasa, asteptand cu nerabdare un nou episod din serialul favorit ( sau telenovela, dupa caz ), sau un meci de fotbal din Premier League sau Bundesliga sau pur si simplu va fi atat de rupt de lume incat nici nu va sti ca e zi de vot.

Mai tii minte orele pe care le-ai petrecut in strada impotriva lui Basescu, Ponta, Antonescu ( cunoscatorii stiu de ce ordinea e asta ), sau impotriva exploatarilor de la Rosia Montana, sau pentru oricare alt motiv ??? Toate acele ore nu au contat absolut deloc pentru cei care iau deciziile.

Dar aceeasi oameni sunt acum la mila noastra. Si e o senzatie tare placuta sa nu le dau ce imi cer.

Eu voi alege candidatul care e la mila mea cel mai putin, si sper sa obtina cat mai multe voturi, stiind ca nu are nici o sansa de a iesi nici macar in primii 3.

Tu?

Twins

I mean.. wow, what the fuck, oh my god and seriously.. fuck.

 

Not exactly the first time I found one, but the fact I found one for ‘The One’ it’s getting to my head.

Ok, they are not EXACTLY the same ( I wouldnt be writing this post if they were, instead you probably would have found me in a mental institution right now ). They kinda look the same ( just the body, not the face/hair ), and they definitely think and speak exactly the same. They seem to like the same things.

Just imagine putting two identical seeds in two different bodies in two different cities, some years apart. Of course the conditioning, family and what have you will make the seeds develop different attributes/ have different social and personal goals, but the core is the same. The way you speak and communicate feelings, the way you think, your “look”, those are deep inside the core.

A life goal to make these twin flames meet each other? Not the worst idea. Maybe it will cause a glitch in the space-time continuum..

Me, I’m just grateful that such amazing things can and still happen to me. Such a moral booster, it almost feels unreal.

12 years after the real me was born, maybe this is the sign to be born again.

Anatomy of a Life Scene

As I was taking a random break during work, I got myself in the hammock on the balcony, just randomly checking my phone. 1 minute later a couple of people 2 levels above me got out in a smoking break of their own. One of the girls ( dressed in a skirt ) sat down and another reminded her there was ‘someone’ below and he might be watching. I was literally beffutled of the other’s response :

 

‘ So What? I’m sure it’s not like he hasn’t seen something like it before’.

Immediately I jumped out of the hammock and got back in the office, without looking up even once. Regarding what she said, she might have been really surprised to find out what she took as ‘sure’ might be very far from the truth.